doing up houses

Hi Everyone,

I am new here, however I have been reading proana�sites for a while.� More so in the last 5 months.� I have had an ED since I was 12, now I am 30, still struggling.� I thought I was recovered at 25, and seemed to be doing well until I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my sisterapos;s wedding this Summer.�

In all the wedding event photoapos;s (Wedding Showers, Engagement Party, etc) I couldnapos;t help but notice I was the "fat" bridesmaid.� It was aweful.� The other four bridesmaids were so thin, beautiful, elegant.� I looked anything but.�

Anyways, the photoapos;s triggered something in me that had been dormant for almost 5 years..... My ED.� It has come back full force, as well, I find that I am far harder on myself now then I ever was in my earlier years as an anorexic.�

In a major attempt to NOT�be the fat bridesmaid, I lost 15 pounds before the wedding.� The only problem was, the other bridesmaids happened to be dieting as well, and they still made me look disgusting.

I am also feeling especially low since my two dogs, Jager Kaiser were run over by a car when they ventured too close to the highway near my house.� I am very upset.� I had Jager since I was in College.� Him and Kaiser were the best dogs ever.� I morn them as if they were people.� The best part, they never judged me.�


So, here is my stats:
Height: 5apos;3"
CW: 130 lbs
HW: 145 lbs
LW: 94 lbs (many many years ago, when I was about 16)
1st GW: 110 lbs
2nd GW: 105 lbs
3rd GW: 100 lbs

I play a sports, Ringette Soccer year-round.� And I am trying to get back in to running, but it is hard without my dogs.� They were my running buddies, and now, running alone isnapos;t that motivating.

I feel odd writing, since I am older then the majority of you posting here, but it is so hard to find anyone to talk about this with.� Anyways, I hope you all are doing well today, and those of you not feeling so great, I am sending you hugs.
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