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For my work a couple of years ago,
I collected numbers for programs
that help those that canapos;t afford
meds that they have been prescribed.

These include:

1-800-281-2246

1-866-706-2400

1-888-477-2669

I havenapos;t called any of these recently;
if someone does, please report back.

Also, check with your pharmacy.
They may be able to refer you to
an assistance program.

Walgreens currently has a program
for those without Rx insurance
that covers many generic meds;
call any local Walgreens pharmacy
to find out what is included.

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Hi Everyone,

I am new here, however I have been reading proana�sites for a while.� More so in the last 5 months.� I have had an ED since I was 12, now I am 30, still struggling.� I thought I was recovered at 25, and seemed to be doing well until I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my sisterapos;s wedding this Summer.�

In all the wedding event photoapos;s (Wedding Showers, Engagement Party, etc) I couldnapos;t help but notice I was the "fat" bridesmaid.� It was aweful.� The other four bridesmaids were so thin, beautiful, elegant.� I looked anything but.�

Anyways, the photoapos;s triggered something in me that had been dormant for almost 5 years..... My ED.� It has come back full force, as well, I find that I am far harder on myself now then I ever was in my earlier years as an anorexic.�

In a major attempt to NOT�be the fat bridesmaid, I lost 15 pounds before the wedding.� The only problem was, the other bridesmaids happened to be dieting as well, and they still made me look disgusting.

I am also feeling especially low since my two dogs, Jager Kaiser were run over by a car when they ventured too close to the highway near my house.� I am very upset.� I had Jager since I was in College.� Him and Kaiser were the best dogs ever.� I morn them as if they were people.� The best part, they never judged me.�


So, here is my stats:
Height: 5apos;3"
CW: 130 lbs
HW: 145 lbs
LW: 94 lbs (many many years ago, when I was about 16)
1st GW: 110 lbs
2nd GW: 105 lbs
3rd GW: 100 lbs

I play a sports, Ringette Soccer year-round.� And I am trying to get back in to running, but it is hard without my dogs.� They were my running buddies, and now, running alone isnapos;t that motivating.

I feel odd writing, since I am older then the majority of you posting here, but it is so hard to find anyone to talk about this with.� Anyways, I hope you all are doing well today, and those of you not feeling so great, I am sending you hugs.
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For anyone that doesnapos;t know, this is momiji-manjuu/momijinosekaiapos;s new account, where I shall be posting EVERYTHING, as opposed to having two different accounts.. It was getting irritating to have to check through two flists all the time, and have half the stuff repeated etc.

Sorry in advance for the insane flist spamming while I get all my fics (the ones I still have, anyway) uploaded X___X Please be patient with me

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Ok So the following entry is filled with sin and truly despicable behavior. I deserve to be locked up.

I recant my previous entry where I talked in lol-speak to describe the living conditions with my roommates. Nowmdash;everything has changed. I decided to stop being such a sad fuck, get over my depression, and rebuild my relationships with my roommates.

Today, Izzy and I decided to go shopping lifting. We havenrsquo;t been on a spree in months and this was needed to heal the wounds. We hit up Hobby Lobby and Party City to grab some finishing touches for our Halloween costumes. After that we were starved so we went to World Market and Tom Thumb. Oh, the feast. Finally, we took some shirts from Hot Topic and drove to the other mall.

At the other Hot Topic we learned about the Death Note 2 movie and the free tickets we would have received if we bought the shirts. After a complaint with the manager we got our free tickets and ran to the theater to make the last showing. The movie was BAD The first was fine, but this sequel should never have been made. We talked and got shushed for the first thirtymdash;then more people started to talk. By the end of the film everyone was cracking jokes and a mob mentality that is usually saved for the real theatre showed up. On the way out everyone began taking posters from the walls and I snagged a Quantum of Solace decal from the door.

Once home I focused on my course work and this post after a viewing of Supernatural, Attack of the Show, Chelsea Lately, and Moral Orel.

Also to my surprise Robert bought a hookah and my own bottle of Skyy Vodkamdash;aww.

Uhmmhellip;.

With my paycheck on Friday I will be getting this wooden owl plaque that reminds me of Ian.

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Thereapos;s no school tomorrow, so today was a freebie day. (A little background - Iapos;m a professional substitute school bus driver. I get paid whether I drive or not. I get a different assignment every day, and report to work at 4:30 IN THE MORNING)

My route assignment today was plus and minus. It was an old air-conditioned bus, so I was cool but had a rough ride. The kids were glad their regular driver wasnapos;t there, but donapos;t pay attention to the way she goes so I had very little help from them. The first elementary kiddo on the bus this morning was a non-verbal special education boy, cute as a bug. Couldnapos;t even tell me hos name. Fortunately the next child on was a 5th grade "Safety patrol" who makes it her business to not be lost. The migraine set in shortly after I dropped them off, before I picked up the middle school kids.

I guess it started earlier, on the way to work, when David and I argued about politics. Heapos;s very passionate about his candidate, while I canapos;t bring myself to support some I donapos;t know anything about, or someone who chose a pole-dancer look-a-like for a running mate. Iapos;m still VERY undecided.

ANYWAY, i got the middle-school monsters to school calmly, and went back to the bus yard. After eating my lunch (yum, pbj) I crashed out in front of the TV for 3 hours. Nasty oleapos; migraine

The afternoon was ok, I didnapos;t have any high school kids, and the elementary school children were fine until the last stop, you know, the special ed. Kid. His mom wasnapos;t there, and I found out heapos;s not completely mute - he can scream at the top of his lungs,"I WANT MY MOMMY NOW NOW NOW NOW" Wow, she finally showed up after about 10 minutes of this. There just wasnapos;t any calming him down at all. He didnapos;t even look back as he got off the bus. Grrr.

A new batch of middle school students throwing paper wads and seat-hopping had me pulled over before we even left the school, little buggers. I got about 2 hours overtime today and made David take me out for dinner to Amigos for nachos. We still had our uniform shirts on, so no beer for us until we got home.

I guess today was an average day, made a little better byt he fact that there is no school on Friday, AND itapos;s payday, and there are *3* paydays this month. Slowly starting to dig ourselves out of our summer financial hole.

How was your day?

Meredith
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I have so much stress from home, school, and work that it is just killing me. Today all day long I had been hit with a very big case of depression. I felt just so overwhelmed that I just could not work under it. I still canapos;t and yet I am about to work on some homework. This just doesnapos;t seem fair.

At least I am not failing my two classes so I wonapos;t get an early warning letter.. But it still sucks pretty bad.

Home life isnapos;t that great right now for me. My mother is just getting on my case constantly. Today at work she teased me bad. I was just having a good time with everyone while we were watching TV. Yeah, work is so slow now that we just watch TV most afternoons. Anyways, I said something that sparked something up and my mother started in on teasing me about how much I like Alton Brown.. So fucking what if I do.. Donapos;t fucking tease me about it to the point that my entire body turns red.. Anyways she started it. I said nothing about it.. But also she uses me an an outlet. Iapos;ve been mentally, physically, and verbally abused by her for about ooooooh 10 years now.

Work is getting better I guess but I canapos;t function with all of my stress and I just donapos;t get any job satisfaction out of it.

I know this sounds like bitching and Iapos;m sorry if it does but I�just had to get this out one way or another.

You can bitch back if you want, I honestly donapos;t give a fuck anymore.
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I donrsquo;t know what great deity I pissed off recently, but nothing seems to be going right lately.

My computer broke down on me about two months ago, leaving me with no clue as to what to do for a replacement.� Luckily, my dad stepped in and helped me buy a new one.� Of course, that wiped out what little I had in my bank account at the time, and Irsquo;m still indebted to him for 600 dollars over the next six months.

My glasses are broken too, but not so much that I canapos;t wear them.� Though they are a bit uncomfortable without a nose guard on one side, and a bit unsightly with a big gap in the frames from where i lost a screw (and replaced it with one that fit less well).� The scratches on them are distracting and make them harder to see through, but I certainly canrsquo;t afford to replace them, so that will just have to wait.� And I keep losing lip rings left and right, which I also canrsquo;t afford to replace.� Theyrsquo;re only little things, but when youapos;re having a few bad weeks, they mean a lot to you.

Over the past two months or so, my jeans and bras have been falling apart one by one.� So I could either walk around with holes in my crotch and wires sticking me in the ribs, or get new ones.� I opted to get new ones, not thinking about the repercussions.� When it was over and all of my tattered clothes were replaced, I had thoroughly exhausted the funds in my bank account.� I was left with just under 20 bucks until my next paycheck, two weeks later.

It was at this time that my video camera decided to break.� Of course, right before I discovered this, I had decided I would use it to create a project for one of my classes.� I had also, a day earlier, agreed to help another girl with her project.� Luckily for me, one shining speck of light in all of this crap is that my father doesnapos;t trust me with electronics, and the camera had a 4 year warranty on it.� However, to put everything right back at where it started, I got a call from Circuit City telling me that the repair would take longer than they thought because they donapos;t have the parts available to fix it since itrsquo;s an older model.

This past Thursday, I lost my wallet.� What I thought was the final straw in this series of unfortunate events that have overtaken the last two months of my life. Thankfully, that was also the day of Rosh Hashanah, so I was able to eat with my family at my unclersquo;s house that night to break the fast.� Of course, my fast was unintentional, as it just so happens that my check card (I donapos;t use cash) and student IDs (meal plan) were in my now lost wallet.� Of course, had I known that everyone wouldnrsquo;t get back from the synagogue until 8, I certainly wouldnrsquo;t have shown up at 6.� Sitting there for 2 hours, smelling the food cooking, and having eaten nothing since 6:30 the night before was pure torture.� I ended up chugging a bottle of water in two gulps when the fast was officially broken, and it was as close to heaven on earth that I think Irsquo;ll ever get.� Thinking back on it, Irsquo;m glad no one was near me when we finally were allowed to sit down and eat.� Limbs could have been lost.

I ended up breaking down and telling my family my recent misfortunes, and they all started giving me money to help me out.� I felt horrible.� I donapos;t like taking money from them.� But my tank was below empty, and I was spending the weekend in College Park and didnapos;t want to find myself becoming more of a burden on the house, seeing as how I already add to their water, electricity, and gas bills without helping them out at all.� Not to mention the free lodging I get by putting Mia out every weekend and sleeping on the futon in her room.� I�donapos;t need to feel like more of a tool in that situation, so money is essential if I plan on spending my time there.

In any case, that cash didnapos;t last long.� It was supposed to go towards getting a new license and student IDs, but I owed Mia $25, and the rest went to food and a little gas, though only until Saturday.� I tried to go to the bank to take out whatever was left in my account, but by the time I got there, they were closed.�

Luckily, I have a trunk full of things I have to sell in order to get some money and make ends meet.� I dug through, found my guitar hero 3 for the Wii, and had Mia and B come with me to GameStop to sell it.� It cost me 90 dollars when I bought it for Matt for Hanukkah ---- he had to sell his Wii, so he gave the game to me for safe keeping.� I hated having to text him earlier that week to ask if it could go in the "things to sell" pile.� In any case, I walked into GameStop with a 90 dollar game, and walked out with a whopping 17 dollars.� Of course, if the clerk had had it his way, I would have walked out with 22 dollars in store credit.

I was supposed to go to Lizrsquo;s that night for a party, but everything was just getting to be too much.� I knew with my luck going the way it has been, I would have gotten pulled over and given a ticket that I couldnrsquo;t afford for not having my license.� Aside from that, I was flat broke, and still trying to not use my dadrsquo;s gas card unless I had to.� So an hour long drive to Towson was out.�

The money from the guitar hero lasted me until Sunday night.� Then I had to ask Matt if I could charge his card and order some food online.� Again, it left me feeling horrible.� I donapos;t like having to take handouts just because I canapos;t manage my money better.� But oh well....

Luckily, my boss bought us all lunch on Monday at work.� Since I only had two dollars in my pocket, I wasnapos;t quite sure how the day would play out.� But it did, and I looked forward today, when I would get my new check card in the mail and head to CP�to get it and probably get some pho in the process.

But, going with the theme of recent months, it didnapos;t show up today.� I was torn between screaming and crying when Jo called to tell me.� But I did neither.� I just grabbed my dwindling box of wheat thins, filled a glass of water up from the tap, and sat back down to my computer to forget the knot in my stomach that comes from your only meal all day being a tootsie pop.

Now, as I sit here looking at an e-mail from the financial aid office, telling me that I owe them 6,000 dollars, and that my alternative loan hasnapos;t gone through yet (and noting the fees that come from bills being paid late), I just wonder.

I wonder when this headache is going to go away.
I wonder if you can take ibuprofen on a mostly empty stomach.

I wonder if Cappie and Casey are ever going to get back together on Greek.
I wonder if this is a glimpse at how the rest of my life is going to play out.
I wonder how I get myself into these messes.
I wonder how Iapos;m going to get myself out.

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